When we were pregnant, we decided that I was going to breastfeed Sully. I knew that it was going to be challenging and I had lots of family and friends who simply weren't able to do it. Knowing all this, I didn't take it for granted that it would work for me, or that if it did that it would be easy. With Sully being in the hospital for a week with jaundice (and originally dehydrated because he wasn't nursing well), I had plenty of obstacles to succeeding.
When we were released from the hospital, we had to take him to the doctor to check his bilirubin levels and his weight every other day. Sully wasn't gaining enough weight, according to the doctor (insert eye roll from me). BUT, I refused to give up on the nursing. But since this time, there has not been a day that has gone by that I haven't doubted my abilities to provide him with enough food to grow. Even though he is growing and changing everyday, I have had this weird hangup in my mind about if I was doing well enough. And I have wanted to give up sooo many times.
Since then, it has been one of the most challenging things I have ever done. It is difficult to get them started, and exhausting to be the ONLY one that can get up in the middle of the night every three (or two hours), it digests faster than formula so he needs to eat more often, we have to schedule our whole day around nursing and often get stuck places for longer than we'd like, and I often have to seclude myself in another room if nursing in the open isn't feasible.
BUT, last night I had this amazing experience. Andy and I went to a wedding for a friend and his mom and stepdad kept the baby. Around 8:30, I texted to see how things were. She responded that he had basically screamed his head off non-stop since we left. We left the wedding right away and came in to a sad scene. Andy's mom was pacing the nursery with the baby and looking wrecked. Sully was SCREAMING inconsolably in her arms. Both of them looked totally stressed out and I felt horrible that they had wanted us to have a good time and had not told us.
I took the baby from Laurie and closed the door and began nursing him. He immediately stopped crying and after about two minutes fell completely to sleep for about four solid hours. As I sat there in the room with him, watching him sleep peacefully, I felt so happy that I had stuck through all the hard times with breastfeeding. It was all worth it in that moment to be able to give him such comfort that no one else could. There is something so beautiful about the comfort of breastfeeding to the baby that I never understood before I had him. I love that I've been given that gift. This burden that I always felt like I had has truly turned into a blessing for me and one of my greatest joys.
Two Month Update:
Sully has started smiling and cooing over the last couple of weeks. It has made ALLL the difference to us. Interacting with him can entertain us for hours and I feel like parenting is getting more enjoyable and exciting everyday. He is growing like crazy and I can't believe how big he has already gotten. Andy and I had our two year anniversary this month (can't believe it's already been two years!!) Lots of changes and we are trying to hang on to the moments because we know all too well how fast they pass. I need to post a picture of his sweet little smile, but our camera sucks. We need to just bite the bullet and go buy one!!
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